#TBT: Short Letters to Love Lost and Never Found

In line with the #TBT hashtag, my lack of old decent pictures, and my goal to update this blog often, here are throwback posts that features a series of my favorite, embarrassing, and memorable blog posts.

November 4, 2010

To the-one-who-got-away:

I miss the 1999 you. I miss the late night talks. Last time we saw each other (2009), I asked you if we really are still friends or as close as we were before or if we just went out for old time’s sake (you were leaving for another country 3 days after). You just laughed and called me “Baliw” (as you always do), but never really answered the question. You were good at avoiding questions. It was one of the things I learned from you. No matter how much we've both changed, I’ll always treasure what we had, or what we never had. You’ll always be my first love, my first heartbreak.

To my first-real-boyfriend:

You’re the only guy that made me cry in public (UST, MRT, Mcdo Glorietta) without even trying. Still, thank you. Even if I don’t want to talk or see you right now (as if you care), I’m still thankful for the lessons that you've taught me and making my first real relationship memorable. I think I enjoyed the after-relationship hangouts more than the relationship itself. The movie dates, toy store hopping, DVD marathons (where I end up sleeping), and McDo drive-thru in the middle of the night. Though no matter how good the memories are, I realized I don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat me. I guess our chapter has to end.

To the reason-why-the-one-got-away:

6 years before I met you you, I fell in love with a guy. The month that I met you, that guy proposed and I turned him down because of you, for the lousiest reason* I could think of — you play basketball, he doesn't (hey! I was young back then!). I think you crushed my ego and confidence more than you broke my heart. I was scared of seeing you after what happened. I don’t know how, but you brought out my insecurities in the worst possible way. But I grew up. I realized that whatever you think, it wouldn't really matter to me.

To the-ex-who-taught-me-patience:

Our relationship? I think it’s the most traumatizing and stressful relationship I had with any person. I was in love. I was determined to make it work. I was willing to compromise. The problem was, it was always about you. I’m glad to see you somehow growing up though. Well, I would like to think that you are acting your age already. I’m really happy that we've both moved on. I wish in time, we would be ok as friends. But for now, as neighbors, I would prefer that we remain civil as is. I have nothing but best wishes for you. I hope you find the love you’re looking for.

Looking back, I realized that most of my teenage/early twenties angst are directed to guys who were close to my heart. I also realized I’m able to write more when I’m frustrated or angry. So I decided to write them letters I could never really send. I wrote them here knowing they’ll never read it anyway and if ever I write them real letters, it would be longer than this. I also omitted one person since, well, I've already written him a letter (link removed).

This is also to prove that I am capable of falling in love, making mistakes and standing up again. I’m not that strong when it comes to love. I may seem to like a lot of guys, but really, I’d rather stick to one. Also, I like GUYS ok? Not GIRLS. :p

But take note: I have a lot of reasons why I’m thankful despite of everything that happened. They’re not as bad as I describe them to be.

*Actually, the-one-who-got-away just broke up with his girlfriend that time. So I was kind of hesitant to accept his proposal. But yeah, the sportiness is one of the reasons.


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