When You Fall in Love


from The Lover's Dictionary by David Levithan

For someone who hasn't been in a relationship for more than 4 years (or 5, I really don't remember), and does not even know what a real date feels like, I get to hear a looooot of love problems. I really don't get it, sometimes I fell that they just need someone to listen, but I can't help but give unsolicited advice, especially if it's the "kamot ulo" kind. I also realized that I always tell them the same things. So here I am to take note of those things. I will try to keep it short... if I can.
  1. Love yourself first - I think this is a given. I don't think it needs any explanation.
  2. It takes two to make a relationship work - If your partner has given up, and has said/showed it time and time again. I don't see any reason why you should waste your time to make it work.
  3. Yes people change, but they have to want it for themselves - Never love a person for what the person can become. Never force a person to change. Be a better person because you want to and not just to please someone.
  4. When you forgive, forgive fully - Do not store past mistakes in your emotional bank. Kung gusto mo manumbat, sumbat agad. Mas mukha kang tanga kung napatawad at napalagpas mo na saka mo lang naisipan na isumbat. :p But seriously though, when you've forgiven someone, you're ready to accept or work out whatever consequences resulted from that mistake.
  5. Courtship never ends - I don't believe in courtship before a relationship, but I believe it never ends once you're in a relationship. (Pang beauty pageant!)
  6. Don't just talk, listen - Don't expect you partner to understand what you feel all the time. If you see something wrong, talk about it. If you really want a relationship to work, you would not give up without trying to work things out. And working things out includes a lot of talking and listening.
  7. Don't expect your partner to help you let go of your excess baggage - I know some people wouldn't agree with me here, but your excess baggage is not your partner's responsibility. Also, why go into a relationship if you have issues? Why?!
  8. Being "in love" != loving someone - A relationship does not end when the sparks and the kilig is gone (or is not as often as before).
  9. Being committed means not looking for someone else/something better - Work it. You want your relationship to be better? Refer to #2 and #3. Digest it.
  10. Do not blame other people for the problems you face in your relationships - refer to #2.
  11. Ang ex ay ex dahil may dahilan - it's up to you if the reason is valid to say "enough".
  12. There's a reason why the brain is placed higher than the heart - taken from one of the forwarded text messages I received before. I know it's a bit cheesy, but it's a nice thought.
  13. And my favorite line of all "Matanda na kayo, alam niyo kung ano ang tama at mali". My default answer when I have no other things to say. Heh.
I have a lot of other things to add, but most of them revolve around this list. Plus my usual disclaimer to my friends, you don't have to listen to me. Like I said, I also went through failed relationships despite knowing these. I am not the right person to ask about relationships and ~love~. But I strongly believe that the above items are valid and requires common sense. Some of these I've learned from friends, some I learned from experience. *Breathes* It's past midnight and I have to sleep. So there, dear friends, if you're tired of hearing these things from me, well you can read it here. LOL.

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