29

So where do I go from here?

Time won't stand by forever if I know it's true and I've learned not to say never or else I'll seem the fool. 29 you'd think I'd know better living like a kid. When my lies may seem less than clever is when I fall for it

So it's the last day of my 20s. And like the Gin Blossoms' song, it was fast and I thought I'd knew better by the age of 29.

Tomorrow would be another chapter in my life. I really don't know what to feel turning 30. I am happy because it's still another year and I have my family, friends, and a job and that's more than what some people could ask for. But mostly I'm still bummed because I don't know what to do in life. I want a lot of things, but most of them are contradicting or isn't really feasible at this time. You see, I really don't know what I want.

When I was young I thought I would have everything figured out by 24. But I realised life isn't easy, and it isn't supposed to be easy. Easy is boring, easy is dull. Responsibilities help you grow, change you as a person, broaden your horizons, but it shouldn't stop you to take risks. But it did for me, because I decided that I have no leeway for any undesirable consequences. Even if I turn back time, I don't even know if I would have taken more risk, even though I wish I did. 

I was taught to be responsible for my actions and that's what made me both brave and coward. I was a coward and mostly played it safe, because I have no no one to blame but myself and I learned to be brave enough to face whatever consequences occur because of my decisions. But despite trying to be mature and responsible and pretending to be strong (somebody told me "you seem to be the kind of person that has it all figured out", well I'm not), I really haven't prepared for the future. No savings, in debt, corporate slave. Mainly because I do not know what I really want or what I'm passionate about. Growing up, I only wanted stability and comfort, knowing that I can survive the next day, or be able to afford the things I can't afford back then. And I did actually, but I realised there's more to life than just living it, you really have to "live" it. But being the procrastinator that I am, I always put it off for tomorrow. 

And since tomorrow is my 30th, it can wait another day. LOL.

I don't know what the thirties would bring, but I know the thirties is not the new twenties.  I think my twenties (well late twenties) was boring. I know it's something new, and I plan to make the most out of it unlike the previous decade. Hopefully doing it while acting my age. And just like the Gin Blossoms' song, only time will tell.

So hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges, take 'em for a ride Only time will tell if wishing wells can bring us anything or fade like scenes from childhood dreams forgotten memories 

Only time will tell...