Wasting internet space, one post at a time

I was planning on fixing my template first before creating my first real post but I realized, why rebuild something if you want to start fresh anyway? So here I go, starting fresh, starting new, deleting my old blogs (a lot down, one more to go... and tumblr).

What made me decide to start a new blog you ask? Well I've been contemplating on it for a long time already, but never made a move since I know I'll be too busy to post and just might neglect my new blog. But this post has always bothered me.
At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things — and you're horribly bored and lonely, but since you've lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you're stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is. 
I realized that it was what I was feeling for a loooong time (but not as intense as hers). Being "stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void" with fleeting moments of happiness. The things that used to make me happy does not work that much anymore (good think drinking alcohol was included in that list LOL). Bright side is, I finally know that I don't feel alone and I have accepted that something is indeed wrong, or maybe I'm just old. HA!

I tried change. I tried to leave my comfort zone by resigning from a company I worked for ever since I graduated, I adopted Logan (who I looooove so much) which is so unlike me since it's an additional responsibility, I started spring cleaning my friends, started/tried to live healthy, and tried a lot of other new things but the void is still there. Albeit smaller than before but still there. I considered going to a doctor but it's quite expensive and it feels like I'm trivializing mental illness. I tried to send signals to some friends but none of them work and I avoid talking about it with some because besides having problems of their own or running their own lives, it's one situation that I can't explain clearly and I know that I would sound pathetic. I also know that the only person who can help me is myself. So yes dearies, I am not that strong, wise, rational, as some of you might think. Behind this pseudo-independent woman is a fat mess. But no worries, I think I'm still able to think clearly about things and control my actions. It helps that whenever I feel ~weird, my mom unexpectedly texts to ask me how I am. Maternal instincts I guess (or she just texts a lot and I feel ~weird most often).

Back to the question what made me decide to start a new blog, well I realized that one of the things that changed from my usual chirpy, hopeful, and bubbly 2005-2007 self to the present cynical and jaded Abi is that she regularly updates her blog. I guess she posts all her emotional baggage on her blog as an outlet. She also rarely refers to herself as a 3rd person. HEH. My older blogs were so unorganized and sappy and cheesy and cringe worthy (but I still have a back up copy just in case I needed the LOLs), hence, a fresh start.

I want to try this again. I will try post more often than before. But I will try to be less sappy and annoying this time and more organized. LOL. Hopefully more positive and mature this time.

And maybe, just maybe, blogging may help me fill up the void and find my passion and purpose. :)

So yeah, Hi! I'm Abi, 29, Corporate Slave by day, Tambay by night :)

Edited 12/29/2016. Because it was annoying.


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